


Warmth

by somecreed



Category: Assassin's Creed - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Cuddles, Doubt, Fluff, Hurt, I Will Go Down With This Ship, Insecurity, Love, M/M, POV First Person, Rewrite, Shaytham, will add tags as I keep going
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-18
Updated: 2021-01-30
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:47:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28149324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/somecreed/pseuds/somecreed
Summary: Haytham discovers unexpected feelings for Shay. Not knowing what to make of that and too unsure to act on them he tries to drown them out. Shay wants to try to convince him it's okay but it's not going to be easy, stubborn as Haytham is.
Relationships: Shay Cormac/Haytham Kenway
Comments: 9
Kudos: 30





	1. Warmth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shay had a swim in ice cold water, Haytham is worried and wants to warm him up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This used to be a follow up to a fic that has since been deleted.  
> I decided to rewrite this (5 years later) since I found the old one confusing to read (although I'm not sure this one is less so, since I had no one to look over it for me). I tried my hand at Haythams POV, I will let you judge if I did a good job. At least it was fun to write.  
> I hope you have just as much fun reading.
> 
> Old version has been deleted, it just makes me much more comfortable knowing that this is now the only version of it on here, and the better one imo.
> 
> If you find errors, have suggestions or requests, feel free to leave a comment, I'd love to interact with you :)

I could barely stand the ice cold wind blowing on deck as I stood watching the sea and a small island not too far away. A few moments ago Shay, upon spotting the island he had apparently been looking for and dropping anchor close to it, had decided he wanted to investigate. He jumped into the water and began swimming towards it. I wasn’t sure what exactly he wanted there but I was sure that the water must be freezing, even more so than the north atlantic air.  
A few long moments passed, and they seemed to stretch endlessly, before I saw a figure appear and jump back into the water on the island. I took a step forward to the railing with a feeling of… worry, perhaps. Shay was important for our cause and we could not afford to lose him, especially not to something like this. A voice inside me told me to just stop worrying and go inside before I freeze to death out here, he knows what he’s doing but… I stayed. I stayed anxiously waiting for him as he slowly made his way back to the ship.

As he climbed back up I watched him intently and helped him up once he was almost on deck. I didn’t leave him much time as I grabbed his wrist and pulled him with me to his cabin and closed the door behind us. I spun around to face him and saw him completely soaked in sea water and shaking from the cold. “What were you thinking?” I reprimanded noticing an anger in my voice I didn’t realize I had in me. “Get those soaked clothes off before you freeze to death.”  
He nodded and I watched him fumble with the belts and buckles on him, unable to get anything opened with his shaking hands. I sighed and with a stern look took a step towards him to help. While I undid the buckles and helped him out of his coat he tried to explain himself. “I heard about a treasure on the island,” he said with some trouble and breathing fast.  
I stopped what I was doing and looked at him seriously. “Really? Was it worth risking your life for?” I asked staring maybe a second too long as he raised his eyes to look at me and I felt a feeling of awkwardness creep up in me. As he opened his mouth to speak I raised my hand to silence him. “No, I am sorry. You’re a grown man, you can take care of yourself, I know. I was just…” what was I, exactly? Worried to lose one of my best men? No, that wasn’t it. Worried for his well being, yes, but not for reasons concerning the Order. He looked at me expectantly during the long pause. “...worried,” I concluded, the exact reasons didn’t need to be expressed.  
He gave me a small smile but stayed otherwise quiet. How I wished I could take a look inside his thoughts at that moment…  
But before I sunk too much into my own I looked back at his wet clothes and continued my previous work of removing them. 

Carefully I helped him take off all of his soaked clothes, most of it landing on the floor with a wet _thud_. I left it to him to change his underwear into something dry and, mostly out of respect, had turned away from him for that. I was facing a picture hanging on the wall of his cabin but I found my mind not admiring the painting but rather imagining what was going on behind me. I felt my face flush slightly at the thought of Shay, naked in front of me, and my brows furrowed at my own thoughts. Before I lost myself in them any more I heard Shay from behind me. “I’m ready, Sir.” I turned hoping he wouldn’t notice my slightly flushed cheeks as I faced him. “Good, now to get you warm again.”  
I walked over to him letting my eyes wander over his almost naked body while I approached and rested a hand on his shoulder when I was close to him. His skin felt cold under my hand as it slowly moved down his back and I could see a hint of goosebumps on his skin from the touch. My hand stopped at his lower back and while I would have enjoyed exploring his body with my hands for a bit, getting him warmed up was more important. So I gently pushed him towards his bed and, once there, lifted his heavy blanket for him to lie down. When he had taken position in his bed I draped the blanket over him before scanning the room and finding two more blankets that I added on top. It wasn’t freezing in his cabin, like it was outside, but the few candles in the room didn’t do much to make it particularly warm either so the more layers the better. 

I went to hang up his soaked clothes so they had a chance to dry as he warmed up and after all this time only now noticed how I was still cold myself from standing outside waiting for Shays return earlier. I rubbed my palms together for at least a little bit of warmth as I heard his voice. “Sir?” he said and when I turned I found him looking at me with a small, mischievous smile that made me very curious what was on his mind this time.  
“I know a way to warm me up quickly,” he said and I raised my eyebrows at him questioningly.  
“Sharing body warmth, Sir.” I noticed a hint of a smirk he seemed to try to hide, though I wasn’t sure what to make of it. “Penguins do it to stay warm too, and you’re also cold, aren’t you?”  
I regarded him for a moment and I was sure he noticed my taken aback expression I didn’t manage to hide all too well. This proposal was strangely tempting but I hesitated, not certain if it was a wise decision. Shay had grown close to my heart, as much as I had doubted anyone could, let alone a man. Yet, I knew this information, would it reach anyone outside of this room, could be fatal for both of us and the last thing I wanted was for him to get hurt because of my carelessness and stupidity. But… I looked around, glanced over to the door which was sitting undisturbed in its frame… no one was there and no one would just interrupt us, would they?  
After a long moment of just staring at Shay and weighing the dangers and pleasures of joining him, I took off my coat and put my weapons on his desk before I, still hesitant, lifted the blankets and slipped under them next to him. The expression on his face made clear that he was very pleased with this. “See? This isn’t so bad, is it?” he said with a genuine smile that made me feel warm and happy. After a short moment I felt him move as he came closer to me, our chests now almost pressed together, and after some obvious hesitation from Shay I felt his arm around me and pulling me closer. His eyes were closed and I was pretty sure it was out of concern regarding my reaction. I don’t know what exactly he expected or maybe even feared, but I answered by doing the same, putting my arm around him and resting my hand on his back while I noticed a small smile forming on my lips. When he opened his eyes again he looked at me noticeably relieved and smiling as well. Looking into his eyes I thought I could see him fishing for words but for once decided to act purely on my feelings by slowly closing the distance between us, slowly enough that Shay could stop me at any time, and pressing my lips on his in a careful kiss. Again, I noticed my face flushing slightly, but to no surprise, as was his. His look of disbelief, though no disapproval, was amusing and I couldn’t help another smile forming on my lips. “I’m sorry for surprising you like this.” I said, smile slowly fading as a little tinge of worry came up in my mind.  
He blinked a few times, I assume to clear his mind, and shook his head slightly. “There’s nothing to apologize for, Sir,” he said and smiled again, “It really was just… a surprise. I never expected you to take up my offer to join, let alone _this_.”  
“Sometimes I get offers even I can’t refuse,” I said, the cheeky smile now on my face. I pressed a careful kiss on his lips again before I pulled him close, our chests and foreheads pressed together now. A quick glance towards the windows and the shimmer of orange and red from the setting sun made me aware of the time. I was sure people were wondering where we were and what we were doing inside for so long and surely it was a bad idea to stay with Shay that night but being close to him, enjoying his now warm body against mine, was enough to let me forget about that, and the rest of the world for a while. “Let’s sleep, it was an eventful day,” I said and he moved down a bit, pressing his head to my chest while I held him close and caressed his hair, both of us slowly drifting asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After writing and uploading this I decided I will try to make it into a multi chapter thing as more ideas come up. I will update this as I keep going.


	2. Regrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haytham is stubborn and convinces himself what he did was wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My christmas present to you, or something xD
> 
> I slapped this together today becuse I just can't get enough of them, sorry not sorry. But definitely sorry if the style is a bit different to the first one, I'm not good at being consistent.  
> Also I had an urge to write Haytham unsure and worried and telling himself he doesn't want this or shouldn't do it. But deep down he knows he does and he should.
> 
> As before if you find mistakes or weird part or have suggestions please feel free to tell me! 
> 
> Gist walking in was partly inspired by a comment on the old version (which has been deleted as I mentioned), sorry, I don't exactly remember who commented ;-;

The next morning I woke up to the gentle rocking of the ship, the quiet creaking of wood and rays of morning sun shining through the window into the captain's cabin and… knocking? I opened my eyes to look around the cabin, eyes still hazy from sleep. I noticed a heavy arm resting on me, holding me from behind and I remembered falling asleep with Shay in his bed. Oh, how I would have loved to turn and pull him close, to stay just a while longer, savor the feeling of closeness and comfort that I hadn't felt in so long. But more knocking swiftly pulled me out of my thoughts and I realised it came from the door, together with a familiar voice. “Are you awake, Captain?” Gist asked through the closed door and I felt an uneasiness creep up in me.  
I turned to look at Shay who frowned as his arm slipped off me but didn’t show any sign of being awake. My eyes darted back to the door. Nothing I could do would help me get out of this situation, not hiding, not getting up and pretending to work and certainly not staying in bed right next to Shay. This was what I had feared would happen, the reason I hesitated to stay the night in the first place.  
I barely had time to finish my thoughts before I saw the door open slowly and I nudged the man next to me with my elbow in hopes he would wake up. When Gist had opened the door and I finally saw him he looked at me quite surprised and with raised eyebrows but his face quickly went back to his normal expression. “Oh, good morning Sir. I didn’t expect to find you here,” he said more calmly than I had anticipated and gave me a small smile. This was one of the very rare situations in recent time in which I didn’t have anything to say, no witty remark or well thought out answer… it was a crushing feeling. Instead, I just looked at Gist and I wondered whether he had noticed how utterly lost I felt in this moment. My expression surely must have betrayed me.

After a moment of silence hanging heavy in the air the sheets next to me started to rustle and Shay sat up with his back against the headboard, yawning and stretching. He rubbed his eyes before he looked at me with a warm smile, then at Gist. “Good morning!” he said, awfully cheery for the circumstances, I thought. Then Gist spoke again. “It’s unusually late for you, Captain, and we have reached port. You said you have business here, I thought you’d want to get up to it so we don’t have to stay longer than necessary. The crew is already restocking our supplies,” he explained and then added “I’m sorry if I disturbed you Captain, Master Kenway.” He left with a short bow and closed the door behind himself.

Once Gist was gone Shay turned to me again with a smile that faded quickly when I looked back at him. “What’s the matter, Sir?” he asked rather quietly and I closed my eyes again. I was frustrated, embarrassed and maybe even a little scared. Frustrated at my own inability to resolve the situation, to say or do anything, to keep my composure. Embarrassed to be found in this moment, here in Shay's bed, to have shown someone weakness. Scared for our… no, for his well being. I sighed, opened my eyes and looked at him, scrambling for words. “It’s a risk we shouldn’t have taken,” is all I managed to say. I was sure Shay would understand what I meant, and he did.  
“Gist isn’t a risk. No one on this ship is,” he said calmly.  
“If this reaches the wrong people we will be in a lot of trouble,” I insisted and Shay shook his head softly.  
“It won’t. Otherwise a lot of the crew would be in a lot of trouble already.” There was his cheerieness again that I just couldn’t bear in this moment. I got up, grabbed my coat and headed for the door. “Sir, wait!” I heard Shay from behind me and I did, before I turned and faced him with a pointedly stern look. “It’s not going to be a problem, I promise.” I regarded him with an unchanging expression. “Promises matter little in the face of circumstances you can’t control,” I simply said, back to my serious, in control self that I was used to. It gave me some extent of safety and a feeling of familiarity. “I believe Gist said you had business here? Best get to it, Captain Cormac.” And with that I turned on my heels and left his cabin, taking a deep breath of the fresh and cool air outside.

I had decided to retreat to my own cabin below deck for the time being. There was important Templar business to attend to, I convinced myself, and there certainly was. I sat down at my desk and sighed at the thought of the yet unwritten letters I needed to get to, talking to people I found little pleasure in talking to when I would arrive back in New York. There were people I did enjoy talking to but they were few and far between. One of the people I enjoyed talking to was the captain of this ship, I thought and felt a tinge of something in me, that I couldn’t quite place at first. I made it out to be a small trace of regret. What exactly it was that I regretted I wasn’t sure but I convinced myself it was about staying with Shay for the night. Yes, nothing had happened, we just slept but people could very quickly get the wrong idea of our relationship and I didn’t want to risk seeing myself at the gallows with a noose around my neck a second time in my life. And most of all I didn’t want to risk Shay’s safety.  
And before I could stop it I found myself thinking back to the night before. To the warm and comfortable feeling of having Shay in my arms. To… the kisses, quick and careful but very much enjoyable. I felt my face darken at the thoughts. As pleasurable as it was, it wasn’t something we should have done and it’s nothing we should do again. Some time apart would help drive out any trace of feelings I might or might not have for him, or he does for me, and that’s for the better, I thought. I felt my chest tighten uncomfortably as I thought out my plan but decided to ignore the feeling.

I pulled myself together and tended to some Templar business as I had planned, during which several hours passed. Late in the afternoon, having had more than enough of reading and writing letters, I made my way back on deck to tell Shay and Gist of my wish to be brought back to New York. I hadn’t noticed much from below deck and I was surprised to find the ship on the open sea, stationary and next to a Man O’ War I made out to be the HMS Pembroke. Great. I made my way over to the large ship and towards where Shay, Gist and Cook were gathered. “Good afternoon, Captain Cook, pleasure to see you,” I said as I approached and shook Cook’s hand. “Good afternoon, Master Kenway,” he answered promptly as I just nodded to Shay and Gist. “You don’t happen to be sailing towards New York, are you?” I asked with a pointed look towards the captain. “Oh, yes I am actually. If you need to go back, you’re free to join me for the journey,” he offered generously, just as I had hoped. “Perfect, thank you very much. I will get my things.” With that I swiftly turned, only having a quick glance at Shay as I did. He seemed… disappointed, a hint of sadness in his eyes as they met mine. Deep down I felt an urge to stop and tell him it’s going to be alright, to praise him for the good work he was doing and assure him I wasn’t going to leave him. I couldn’t. This was not about feelings and it should never be, never have been.  
I made my way back to my cabin to gather my belongings before I promptly returned to the HMS Pembroke where I was shown my quarters for the duration of the journey. When I arrived back on deck Shay’s eyes still had the same look in them and I had to fight the urge to return it. Instead, I kept my stern face that everyone seemed so used to, me included.  
“Very well, is your business here concluded, then?” I asked, after they exchanged a few more words and everyone nodded in confirmation. I looked at Shay and Gist. “Good. I will see you when you’re back from your mission, or whenever I have a new one for you. Master Gist, Captain Cormac.” I dismissed them with a small nod before I took my place next to the helm, as I had done so many times on the Morrigan. Soon we took off to New York. I risked a last glance at Shay’s ship as it slowly became smaller and would soon disappear on the horizon. For a second I wondered what Shay was thinking, or feeling, but I shook off that thought in exchange for anticipation of my arrival.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me if I should write some of the next parts from Shay's perspective too. Like write one half Haythams and one half Shays POV of how they spent their time apart and how they felt.


	3. Apart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shay and Haytham spend some time apart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I had Shay's part written out for a while now and I finally made myself finish this chapter. I really struggled with it this time around.   
> I just threw Haytham's part together within a few hours so please excuse if it sounds a little strange. 
> 
> I might make some smaller adjustments along the way but for now I am happy I can finally publish it at all.
> 
> I apologise for any inconsistencies. I didn't read over the second part again at all, just to warn you

“Are you feeling alright, Shay?” I heard Gist say from beside me, suddenly making me aware of how mentally absent I had been for the past hour or so. He was looking at me genuinely concerned as it seemed.

“You don’t seem to be quite...here,” he said and I took a deep breath in hopes it would help me focus back on the here and now. 

“Yes, I’m fine, don’t worry too much about it.” I shot him a small smile, the best one I could manage.

In truth, I didn’t feel particularly good. Since the moment Haytham had expressed his wish to join Captain Cook to New York I had felt… empty, for the lack of a better word. After he had left my cabin in the morning I’d busied myself with work, writing and making plans. I was successfully distracted until he stepped on deck on the HMS Pembroke. When I looked at him I thought back to the morning, felt the same kind of frustration I had felt then. I felt… left alone, like he didn’t trust me. 

I watched the large ship as it disappeared on the horizon with Haytham on it, a tight and unpleasant feeling making itself noticed in my chest.

I still had that feeling now, just a few days after we parted ways. 

“Is it about the Grand Master?” Gist asked after a while longer and I couldn’t help but let out a sigh. 

“Maybe… ,” I answered, but I knew it was useless to hide anything from Gist. Besides, who could I trust with it, if not him? “...yes.”

“I’m sorry to have ruined it for you, Captain,” he said, again with genuine concern, eyes averted this time. I shook my head dismissively and forced a smile at him with some effort. I wasn't sure I could blame him for it, and I surely didn’t want to. 

The thought had crept up on me before. If Gist hadn’t come in maybe it would be different. If I had woken up earlier, maybe it would also be different. If I hadn’t asked Haytham to stay at least I could’ve continued living in my illusion that he’d never share any of the feelings I had for him. But like this I was stuck wondering whether he actually did have similar feelings, or if there had been any other reason for him to stay with me. 

“It’s not your fault, Gist,” I said eventually and took another deep breath of the fresh, salty air in hopes that it would distract me enough to let go of my thoughts for a while. Sailing did distract me to some extent, but the tight feeling in my chest stayed with me.

The days I spent on my mission, locating the precursor box and searching for more artifacts, felt unusually long. Many weeks passed and I was no closer to finding the box than before. On top of that I felt more exhausted than ever, my mind constantly going back and forth between gathering and exchanging information, planning our next move and… Haytham. I grew anxious, my mind trying to convince me that he didn’t want to see me, that he didn’t care about me and that I should not return to report to him. Well, report to him is what I told myself I was sailing to New York for, anyways. 

After all this time that had passed I truly missed him, to the point where my feelings won against my mind and I sent word we were coming back to New York. I needed to see him, even if it was just for business reasons, in hopes it would calm my aching heart at least a little. 

The days of voyage back to the city, home in a way, stretched endlessly yet again. And the closer we were the more uneasy I felt, worried I might face more rejection from the person I longed for. Apart from the worry there was another feeling, a quiet excitement at the prospect of seeing Haytham again.

Gist knew the full extent of my feelings for the Grand Master by the time we arrived. I was more than grateful for his company and his encouraging words over our rounds of drinks. He had convinced me not to give up on it. “If it is what you truly want, I see no harm in pursuing it,” he had said, “Master Kenway might be a stubborn man, but he has a heart too, you know. And if he didn’t like you, you would've noticed long ago!”

Feeling excited, but also slightly worried still, I stepped onto the dock near Fort Arsenal. I loved the open sea, but I also appreciated coming back to the city from time to time. It had its very own charm. I decided to settle in for the time being and made my way to the Fort, setting down my paperwork on the desk in the study and sinking into the chair with a quiet sigh. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, and after a moment of rest I got back onto my feet and set out to find Haytham.

  
  
  


\---

  
  


The voyage back to New York was thoroughly uneventful, leaving me with a lack of anything to keep me busy. The few letters I had left to write were dealt with more quickly than I had hoped and I spent the majority of the time trying to busy myself, by chatting to the Captain or watching the crew. Since I had started sailing with Shay and noticed his enthusiasm for it I had developed some sort of interest in its mechanics. I wondered where that came from, as I watched Cook’s men working. Was it from the desire to please Shay? Showing interest in someone’s passion was a good way to gain their approval and friendship, and I had surely gained Captain Cook’s approval.

In the end I settled for ‘My father was a sailor, it must be in my blood, I just hadn’t found out yet’.

Once we docked in New York I thanked Cook and hurried back to the mansion we had acquired in the city and made into our headquarters. It was mostly empty, save for Charles who was dealing with the gangs and stopping them from settling back in, and the housekeepers. 

Not having any mind to deal with Charles I decided not to inform him of my return, he would find out soon enough. I closed the door to my bedroom quietly behind myself and took a deep breath, enjoying the quiet of my own room. Yes, sailing and travelling could surely be great but there was nothing better than some privacy and peace, at least for a while.

I didn’t take much time for myself, though, and quickly got back to work in my office. I was the Grand Master of the Colonial Rite, after all, and I had business to take care of.

I dreaded the damned paperwork but it kept me occupied during the days, together with minor field work, leaving me little time for personal matters and feelings. I appreciated it. 

The nights were a different story. 

Almost every evening I would settle into bed and the same thoughts and emotions kept me awake. Several weeks passed before I could finally make out what it was that was making my chest feel so unbearably tight and my bed too big for myself. 

It was a feeling of longing, and perhaps loneliness. I knew what, or who, it was directed at but I kept pushing the thought aside. I had already established that it couldn’t work out, not with all the risks attached to it. 

One day when I came back from some investigations regarding the Assassins’ presence in New York I found a letter on my desk and I could feel a tinge of excitement upon reading the name on it. I opened it, forcefully calming myself. My heart skipped a beat when I read that Shay was coming back to the city.

I spent the next days in anticipation of his arrival, which somehow always managed to come back, no matter how hard I tried to suppress it. 

The day I heard that the  _ Morrigan _ had arrived at Fort Arsenal I, admittedly, did not get any work done. I felt a slight sense of shame as I was sitting in my office, doing nothing but waiting for anyone to inform me that Shay had arrived to report to me. I did not know what I expected, apart from a report, of course. I should not give way to my feelings, nor acknowledge his any more. 

Excitement spread in me again as I heard someone knock on the door and open it carefully. 

“Master Kenway, Master Cormac is here to speak with you.” It was Charles, who I dismissed with a firm nod. 

I can’t describe the warmth I felt inside me when Shay finally entered the room and closed the door. I couldn’t keep a genuine smile from my usually so serious face.

His rather pensive face quickly softened as he looked at me.

“Good afternoon, Master Cormac. Come, sit,” I said, back to my stern self.

I tried my hardest to contain my emotions as he came closer and sat down. It felt so good to see him again, after weeks apart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed, regardless of the (in the end) rushed job.  
> The next part will probably be out a little more quickly, as I am slightly more inspired regaring how to keep going.
> 
> As always I am open to suggestions and feedback, as well as having any issues or typos pointed out.


End file.
